The MP, who resembles someone you’d try and avoid eye contact with if they got on your bus, had an an affair with Miss Zatuliveter over a four year period while he was part of the defence select committee.
Despite Mr Hancock’s brain having no comment, his genitals have been hard to suppress.
Speaking from Mr Hancock’s underpants, they insisted, “Any suggestion Katia was manipulating us in order to gain access to secret information is ridiculous and unfounded.”
“Okay, Mike is 65 and she is 26, but we don’t feel any different to the way we did 40 years ago – I mean emotionally, not to the touch.”
Russian spy
Colleagues of Mr Hancock have revealed how passionately Mr Hancock’s genitals feel about Miss Zatuliveter’s innocence.
“They’re are adamant that there was nothing dodgy going on and they get very animated if you even so much as mention Katia Zatuliveter,” revealed Mid Dorset and North Poole MP Annette Brookes.
“To say that Mike’s genitals are always in our faces wouldn’t be an understatement.”
“Well, when I say ‘our’ I mean any woman within a 25 yard radius.”
