CUPERTINO – Apple CEO Steve Jobs has unveiled the iThing – a device and software service combination that will “transform the way we transfer money from your pocket to ours.”
Apple has been long rumored to introduce a device that did something, and have exceeded market expectation by not only releasing a device that did something, but accompanying software service that did something too.
Showcasing a non-discript aluminum cube, Jobs did not explain what the device did but assured onlookers that it’s ‘awesome’ capabilities would shock and please users once they figured out what they were.
“The iThing will make us very, very rich,” he summed.
‘What does it do?’
The iThing device is set to retail for ‘whatever we can get away with’ and be available as soon as handed over their credit card details.
“A lot of people said that we couldn't release a device that did nothing in particular and have people buy it. Was it a difficult problem? Absolutely. But we have a lot of smart people at Apple and they have come up with the iThing”
During the hour long keynote, no other features were explained, leaving observers to assume they are so awesome that they could not be revealed all at once.
The device was tied to the new iThing service, which connects to the mysterious cube and then to a user supplied bank account wirelessly, piping money out on a regular user-determined basis.
“I don’t even know what this thing does but I bet you want one right?” added Jobs to a chorus of cheers from the audience.
Despite a complete absence of further details regarding what the product could be used for, tech journalists were unanimous in their praise of the new direction for Apple devices.
“What does it do? It doesn’t matter. I’ve already ordered two,” gushed technology journalist Walt Mossberg, who wrote in his objective hands-on review: “I can’t think of a product that does whatever this product does as well as this does it.”
The biggest cheer however, was reserved when the Apple CEO announced the iThing would come in white, sending online forums ablaze with anticipation.
“OMG! Can you believe it does what it does and it does it in white. OMFG!!!” said one fan on Twitter.
Such is the success of the product launch, rumors are already circulating about iThing 2 which allegedly will do what iThing does but be shinier.
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