In breaking news which has rocked and shocked the UK media establishment, the editor of The Daily Satire announced today that the company has signed a new sponsorship deal with artisan produce supplier Farmison. The new deal, which insiders have suggested may include as many as four speciality British cheeses, and may even include some yummy biscuits and something called Quince which the editor has never heard of but is supposed to go very nicely with cheese, could see The Daily Satire rocket to the top of the league tables as the highest (cheese) earning media company in the world. It is thought that the unusual remuneration package could be worth upwards of £30 and is likely to be delivered within 48 hours.
Rupert Murdoch’s News International have, of course, disputed claims that The Daily Satire have earned more cheese than them, pointing to their now discredited and defunct British tabloid newspaper The News Of The World, however industry experts say that having a bucket of curdled milk thrown at you by protesters doesn’t count.
Farmison, a company renowned for their high-quality meats, specialist cheese, and gourmet box deals are said to be supplying The Daily Satire’s editor with a British Artisan Cheese Box which includes such delicacies as Finn (200g) Golden Cross (200g) Blarliath (240g) and Dunsyre Blue (240g), as well as fancy looking stag water biscuits and 150g of Quince.
When asked for comment the editor told himself that “apparently Quince is some fruity type paste thingy which people ‘in the know’ put on their crackers with cheese. And no, I haven’t heard of any of those cheeses before either, but they look very nice in the pictures. I just hope I don’t get too drunk to be able to remember eating them.”
In return for this unprecedented sponsorship deal The Daily Satire have agreed to write some article or something. The exact details of this article are, at this time, still unknown, but insider sources claim that it will ‘probably be a lame attempt at being funny’.
Commenting on the deal a spokesman for Farmison told reporters that “Finn is an organic, triple cream cheese with a sweet nutty flavour and a distinctive salty tang. Golden Cross is an ash rolled, bloom rinded log with a moderately strong flavour and a velvety texture. Blairliath is a subtle, light and mellow tasting cheddar. Dunsyre Blue is a soft blue cheese with a gorgeous and long lasting aftertaste. And we also sell lots of other speciality cheeses and top quality roasting joints of meat, including game, which are perfect for Christmas.
In related news it has recently come to our attention that you don’t even need to put herbs on your turkey to make it taste herby and delicious. Apparently you can buy a herb fed turkey feast, which means that the free range turkey has been wandering around a nice big barn and paddock being fed freshly cut herbs all its life, thinking that it was the king of turkeys, and not realizing that it was only going to be the king of turkey dinners.
If you would like some lovely cheese and meat for Christmas as well, then please visit http://www.farmison.com.
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