COLOMBIA – In a shock fiscal move, Colombian sex workers have downgraded the credit rating of the United States after the inability of Secret Service agents to secure required funding to cover a $47 charge.
The downgrade is a major embarrassment for the U.S. and could see the cost of sex services – including basic foreplay – rise significantly for United States citizens travelling to South America.
A source close to the White House confirmed the President has been briefed on the situation and will deliver his response under an assumed identity.
‘That’ll cost you extra’
The unprecedented announcement comes at a time when the U.S. is already struggling with huge debts made worse by the addition of the outstanding $47 bill.
A spokeswoman for the National Association of Colombian Sex Workers, Sindra Morales, made the statement that U.S. would be downgraded from “XXX” to a much less secure “XX”.
Ms Morales said in a statement: “The downgrade reflects our opinion the fiscal irresponsibility of the United States has weakened the expectations that our girls will be paid in full for a job well done.”
“We simply do not view the United States as a reliable investment,” she added before confirming that any “really freaky stuff” would still cost an additional 50% on top of the increased cost of a basic package.
Fears are now rife that the U.S. rating would move closer to junk status, in that the cost of servicing their junk has now gone way up.
Shaky market confidence
This is the first time any agency have downgraded U.S. rating. The most severe warning was in the 1770s when Benjamin Franklin refused to class reach arounds a valid sexual act and reneged on a five silver piece payment.
Despite the setback, sex workers in Bangkok have said they had no immediate plans to downgrade their rating. Analysts also suggested the U.S. still remain an attractive option for hookers.
However, pessimism remains as some experts believe the downgrade will only erode confidence in the largest provider of horny men.
Economic commentator Mark Conner said the United States now needed to show it was good for the cash and maybe even pay up front to re-establish confidence among the world sex markets in what could become the biggest issue in the run up to November’s election.
“There’s no doubt this is a serious blow,” said Mr Conner, “and not the good kind of blow either.”
China Scolds US For Bringing Home ‘Shameful’ Grades
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