Though yet to be confirmed European leaders have grown concerned the debt-laden country has shown no apparent progress since last year, leading member countries to draw what they believe is a reasonable conclusion: Greece has been using the money to fund a secret addiction to heroin.
EU President Herman van Rompuy said the theory made more sense than the idea a country’s finances could be so screwed up that despite two substantial bailouts totalling over €100 billion, it remained on the edge of bankruptcy.
‘Greece was such a nice country’
Behavioural psychologist Sophia Roland seemed to confirm fears when she confirmed Greece was showing “all the classic signs” of harbouring a secret addiction.
“Greece is always in financial trouble and despite receiving substantial support with vast sums of money they remain in much the same position they were in last year. ”
“I’m afraid this is a textbook case of attempting to hide substance abuse from plain view.”
Mrs Roland predicted that Greece would continue asking for more money unless it was confronted by those countries close to it. “My cousin had the same problem so I know what a closet junkie looks like.”
The EU said officials would halt the handout of financial aid and return to Greece to check for needle marks.
‘We just want to help’
Greece has however denied the allegations, maintaining it is just really bad at “finance stuff” and requested more than 8bn that it needed “real soon man, please”.
They later offered to sell the Netherlands what was found to be a stolen iPhone for €2 billion.
Although there was a desire among EU nations to help, there were worries that denial of further bailout could see Greece resort to more drastic means of raising money like theft or performing sexual acts on Hungary for money to feed it’s dependence.
Herman van Rompuy believed an intervention was the best option as help could only occur when Greece was forced to admit it has a problem. He also expressed regret to see the once great nation fall so far.
“This is the country that started math for heavens sake…we can’t have them out there sucking d*ck for a fix. It’s a tragedy.”
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