The secret hideaway of the future leader of the world’s best known terrible organisation has been discovered by American paparazzi in north west Pakistan.
Early reports had suggested that frontline photographers caught the man unawares in the honeymoon suite brandishing a huge weapon behind his wife but it has since emerged that was merely smutty tabloid innuendo.
“That came from the chief pap at the News of the World,” our source revealed. “The man was actually completely unarmed and completely undressed.”
“Though he was indeed behind his wife, but he was using her less as a human shield and more as a human wheelbarrow,” he continued.
“And despite the noises she was making, I don’t think the woman was hurt in the ordeal and we’re all hoping she’ll survive the embarrassment.”
White House confirmation
After many days and millions of pounds were spent trying to find the world’s most elusive man, Barack Obama delivered official confirmation that American paparazzi managed get two head shots of their number one target.
“We do have pictures but I will never allow them to be released,” he said in national address.
“I’m not sure that it will help anyone’s cause to see his body and the head shots are just too graphic and disturbing to be released.”
“Trust me, you do not want to see that sex face.”
