Referee Fired From Youth Soccer League: "Well, there's always the NFL."
Chicago--Fired from his job as a referee for a St. Sebastian's youth soccer league where he has refereed second and third graders for the last seven years, Mickey McNicholas is so desperate that he's ready to take any work he can find. "Even if I have to humble myself and ref some games for the NFL to get my foot back in the door in this industry, I'm willing to do it," McNicholas said. "It would be a step down in pay and benefits, but hey, it's work. I'll take what I can get. I recycle bottles people toss in the trash too, that's my main source of income, but being a ref is what I do for pocket money."
Although McNicholas expressed concern that he might have to trade in his 1985 Honda Prelude for a cheaper and less sporty model and possibly consider a less expensive apartment if he takes a job as an NFL referee, he said he wouldn't miss the scrutiny of youth soccer: "If you mess up a call in a kid's soccer game, you're going to have parents screaming their heads off at you. Nobody really pays attention in the NFL, and if someone does complain, the league will defend any call you make, no matter how insane. You think that was an interception? Too bad, I'm the ref and I say it's a touchdown for the other team. Game over." Asked if he was concerned about adjusting to the rules of football after refereeing kids' soccer for his entire career, McNicholas responded that he wasn't worried. "When in doubt, just blow that whistle. Plus the rules are pretty much the same, just don't go out of bounds, whatever that means, except touchdowns are worth more points than goals, I think. Don't quote me on that though. Hopefully the NFL will just make every game end in a tie, regardless of the score. Time for you to get out of here, got a date with my namesake and then I'm gonna walk to Kmart for a corn dog and fries." McNicholas then unscrewed the golden cap off a bottle of Mickey's Malt Liquor and frowned briefly at one of their trademark hieroglyphic puzzles on the inside of the cap before tossing it to the side with a shrug and taking a long pull from the squat green bottle...
Posted by KellyJohnston 232 days ago (Editorial)
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