A new report on the weight of Europeans has shown that England has the largest proportion of obese women and second largest proportion of obese men.
A study into the report has sighted the Euro Crisis as a large driver in the lack of obese people in Euro zone countries. The protracted collapse of the Euro has seen unprecedented financial strife in Greece, Italy and now potentially France. Consequently people in those countries can't afford to but as much food as they once could. Greek father of three Shawn Tyler said "Well, they talk about the Mediterranean diet being healthy, but really living in poverty is what gets us this physique and longevity. I have not eaten in four days and the last thing I did eat was the wrapper from feta cheese packet I found in a skip. My wife, Jane and I are currently trying to fatten up our 5 year old. We reckon he'll last for a couple of weeks after Christmas as cold cuts and also he won't be nagging us to buy him a PS3."
Government scientists have also claimed that exercise is another factor in the battle against weight gain.
Dr Bartholomew Stewartson from the Institute for Research, stated "Exercise is very good for you. Playing sport can make your body healthy and your muscles big. People in poor countries are good at sports and also have a nice body shape we have noticed. Look at Brazil, it's all hot, but penniless, they have the worlds best football team and the worlds most attractive beach volleyball team. The final of the beach volleyball at the 2012 Olympics will triple sales of Kleenex if Brazil feature, but only double if not. So you see, being poor does have some benefits you get to live longer, albeit in poverty."
Another researcher has shown that there is another way to exercise in a financial crisis. "Rioting is free, it's fun and is very good exercise" says ex Olympic Ambassador Chelsea Ives, who has now taken up a position in the Governments new 'Riot Yourself Fit' programme. "People across Europe and the middle east have shown how effective an exercise regime rioting can be. The plan is to pick a different city every weekend, then bus in registered obese people in specially reinforced buses, at let them go totally Mexican with bricks. Those who are fans of FPS games like Duke Nukem will be pleased to find that around the deserted streets of each city will be hidden special items, from Molotov cocktails to Grenade launchers. After everyone has finished we will have a healthy Mediterranean style barbecue on the embers of JD Sports and a jolly good singsong."
David Cameron plans to roll the plans out on Wednesday in a bid to distract attention from the planned strikes. He will make a speech which will detail the three things he plans to fix with this revolutionary plan.
"Obesity levels will fall, general anger that always seems to recur when the Tories are in power will be dissipated, and rebuilding of cities will generate work in the building trade. Except in Coventry, we don't have plans to rebuild there."..
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