The Futile Middle Class Rage Party

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The Futile Middle Class Rage Party

Posted by beano1884 (#16) 371 days ago (http://news.bbc.co.uk)

Are you an ineffectual Middle Class person who just, y'know, wants everyone to be nice and get on and everything? Do you not really want to vote for the Liberal Democrats any more after they kinda raped your idealism over hot coals? Do you not really want to vote for the Green Party because that's what voting for the Lib Dems used to be like?

YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR THE IRATE MIDDLE CLASS RAGE PARTY.

Our policies include:

1.We will reintroduce National Service, but not for the Armed Forces. Instead everyone will have to work in a shitty retail job for a year between the ages of 18 - 21.

2. This will mean that everyone, rich and poor, will gain at least a shred of empathy for other human beings. If we've all worked in McDonalds then people won't be so snooty about the folk who work there full-time.

3. The Royal Family can do whatever the hell they like providing we never have to pay for any of it.

4. Upon entering their final year students will be given a T-shirt featuring Paul McGann and Richard E. Grant bearing the slogan 'We've gone to university by mistake'.

5. We will create a vast swathe of jobs that pay precisely £20,000 per year so that people can live comfortably without having to ever pay back their tuition fees.

6. We will attempt to redefine the class system and structures in society, meaning the end of 'rich and poor', 'working class and upper class' etc. Henceforth the two main groups in society will be known as 'People I'd Re-tweet' and 'Twats'.

7. All pictures of models should come with health warnings.

7. Anyone who talks about television in terms of comparing everything unfavourably to The Wire will have access to all TV shows barred, with the exception of the content of ITV 2.

8. Newspaper columnists will have to feature in a separate pull out supplement of the paper, each page ending with the letters "IMO", and bearing the disclaimer "This isn't news."

9. Every time a newspaper is found to contain a factual error it will be fined 1% of the money made by daily sales.

10. We will give the Anarchists of Britain the village of Ecclefechan and impose a five year time limit for them to turn it into more of a utopia.

11. The bonuses of management will be decided upon by the workforce, with the average amount taken as the bonus. Staff may offer a negative number as the suggested bonus. A similar system will be put into place for redundancy payments.

12. The X-Factor should abandon all pretense of having depth.

13. Staff will be allowed to use cynical retorts, quips, insults etc. to customers providing they log it with an explanation of why it was deemed necessary.

14. There should be religious tolerance. By this we mean that we should tolerate religion as long as no-one talks about it to our children and those who do practice it do it behind closed doors. No public displays of religion, please.

15. Before any large public protest every member of the law enforcement community involved must have a big wank. This should will limit the amount of anger in their system before they go and hit people with sticks, as no-one wants to have an angry wank.

16. Every time a sporting team spends more than £1 million on an individual one angry woman per million pounds spent should be sent round to slap everyone involved.

17. Anyone who uses signs that say things '70% OFF' in huge letters and 'Up to' in tiny ones to be made to wear a special T-shirt that says 'TWAT' in huge letters and 'Mainly I'm quite nice but I've just been a' in tiny ones.

18. The Conservative and Unionist Party of Great Britain to change its name to 'The Sex Offenders Register B'. The 'B' is to differentiate it from the actual Sex Offenders Register.

19. In order to maintain an element of punishment in our Prison Services, each week will see a different pop album be played on constant rotation so that it ceases to be catchy and entertaining and instead becomes a teeth-grinding bubblegum nightmare.

And finally...

20. We will demand a road safety campaign video fronted by Mark E. Smith with the slogan 'Two Chevrons'.

VOTE IDEALISM. VOTE RAGE... OPEN LINK

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The Futile Middle Class Rage Party

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