As Michael Gove does his best to curtail our children’s summer holidays and Boris Johnson attempts to put a positive spin on this summer’s Olympics, our politicians must be hankering for time off even more eagerly than usual.
It will be no surprise when photographs of a ruddy-cheeked PM hit the front pages of the tabloids as our commander in chief poses in an open-necked shirt at an undisclosed location on the Cornish coastline.
Nor will it come as any particular shock as we’re allowed a rare glimpse of the Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg, relaxing in a beer garden somewhere in Norfolk or Miliband the younger casually reading the Sunday papers with his shirt sleeves rolled up and a faithful Labrador by his side.
The only actual peculiarity is that these three party leaders haven’t got on the first plane out of Blighty as soon as the Leader of the House of Commons, Sir George Young, hollers: ‘school’s out!’
The trouble is that as we’re all currently suffering with cuts, redundancies and rising bills, a politician daring to dream of going abroad this summer would be castigated as quickly as Slash from Guns & Roses lighting the Olympic flame with a flick of his cigarette.
To give the head honchoes a break I’ve decided to put together a few suitable holiday suggestions that I feel would benefit not only them but the British public too. So, without further ado, please find my very own guide to where I’d like to send our politicians this summer.
David Cameron, Conservative:
Ever since the coalition arrangement was announced Big Dave has been attempting to test public opinion by throwing ideas ‘out there’ and watching them come back crumpled up and spat upon. If he really wanted to lead you’d have thought he’d have told us what was going to happen and then gone right ahead and done it. I personally think his first idea of the Big Society was a bit of a cry for help and it’s with this in mind that I’ll be sending him to China for at least a month to show him how to do it properly.
Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrat:
The TV debates that made Cleggy a household name were held in 2010 and he’s been pandering to the camera ever since. Kicking Gordon into touch and showing Cameron what can be done by remembering someone’s name and looking lovingly into our eyes has made Clegg the man he is today. Where better for the deputy PM to fine tune his trade in time for the next round than the good old US of A? Yes, I think adventure holidays on the west coast are calling Cleggy and when he’s done with visiting the Grand Canyon and trekking across Nevada then he can go straight to LA and Hollywood which is where he obviously secretly thinks he belongs.
Ed Miliband, Labour:
Now, did the better brother win? In a fight to the death I’d probably have my money on Ed with an underhanded stab in the back technique although, now his big bro David has had so much time away from the political arena I very much doubt he’d be up for a scrap. No, if Ed’s looking for an opponent that’s worthy of his savage approach to brotherly love I feel safari holidays in the Serengeti undoubtedly present myriad opportunities to watch how the big boys get to fight it out in the wild. However, better yet, knowing Edward and his propensity of wanting to go it alone perhaps a singles holiday may be more suitable.
Wherever our politicians go this summer, let’s hope they come back refreshed and ready to enjoy the legacy left by the 2012 Olympics. After all with Boris in charge, what’s the worst that could happen?
Chris is looking forward to this summer’s Olympics almost as much as going on his next adventure holidays in Syria.
.. (Editorial)
