The 1% Rich: A Vanishing Breed
Storm clouds are gathering on our economic horizon. The number of rich who earn 25% of the income and control 40% of the wealth has diminished to a mere 1% of the population. This decreasing percentage could have a serious impact to our country’s prosperity unless we do something to help the rich become more wealthy.
Why? We’ve been told that the rich create jobs, and for the remaining 99% of the population, jobs are what we need. US unemployment hovers in the 9% range, but for pockets of our population it’s much higher, for example, 25% among inner city youth. There are already signs that the rich are unhappy with their opportunity to become richer: they have moved their manufacturing off-shore and have moved their corporate headquarters to small towns in Switzerland. If not helped, they might decide to take the next step and move their households to Paris or Frankfurt, taking their staff of cooks, maids, housekeepers, bodyguards, personal trainers, and event planners with them.
Republicans understand the issue. In fact, a number of them are in the 1% club and not surprisingly, support the importance of helping the rich get richer. The liberal media and left-wing politicians don’t understand that bashing a corporate executive’s compensation only makes them less likely to create US jobs. And it misses the point. For example, the safety performance bonus for the managers of the Horizon Deep Water rig is something to applaud. Imagine the consequences if more than one rig had exploded and poured millions of gallons of oil into the ocean.
The rich represent a small percentage of the population; their earnings are dwarfed by the remaining 75% of income enjoyed by the rest of us. It is in our interest to help them be more successful and happy—not to become guilt ridden and ashamed. That’s not easy. The rich can afford the best schools, live in the best neighborhoods, enjoy the best health care, and frankly, don’t need the government to help them. A small government, with less regulations, less taxes, and less meddling is preferred. Presently, those benefits are costly for them to attain: hiring lobbyist, making campaign contributions, hosting dinners in their homes. That can be changed.
Aside from applauding their high salaries and country club memberships, we can look for more tangible ways to show our appreciation. Although it’s unlikely they would visit a national park, let’s have a policy that the rich would move to the front of the line. Let’s convert the under-used commuter lanes to “Affluent Lanes.” Rich people would have a special license plate that signals their privileged status. Like immune diplomats, their speeding stops could be turned into an opportunity to get, for example, a Mark Zuckerberg autograph.
Rich people are better educated, better traveled, and in a position to create jobs and improve our well being. It could be argued that they are also more intelligent. What else explains their privileged status? Let’s give them more than one vote. A top earning billionaire would have 1000 votes, a multi-millionaire 100 votes, and so on. Conversely, people living under the poverty line, those who are unemployed, on welfare benefits, etc. should not be allowed to vote. It would be an incentive for them to “get off their duff” that the rich would appreciate.
Let’s give the rich the comfort of living in a stable and peaceful society by helping the poor improve their lives in ways that are more realistic in today’s economy. I’m sure the rich would agree to fund basketball and football training camps for inner-city youth. Let’s expand the lottery program to give more people an opportunity to improve the quality of their lives. Let’s reduce our investment in higher education, because, frankly, the job opportunities for the highly educated are not bright. The money spent on education might be better directed to basic skills development, something better aligned with today’s job market.
It’s not too late. In gratitude, the rich will support our priority to stop abortion, stop the spread of gay and lesbian marriage, put school prayer back in the classroom, send our solders over the globe to create democracy, and best of all, support our image of a fiercely independent, patriotic American who needs no help—someone who can be as successful as his God-given belief in hard work takes him.
We Made These:
The Daily Satire is your source of the latest and most popular news satire, political humor, and other things that clever people like you find funny. Take a look around, you'll find loads of cool stuff from political cartoons to spoof news, funny memes and social satire. Open an account, or log in using facebook, and you can sumbit your own links, publish your own satirical articles, follow your favorite writers, and vote on the best funny news stories of the day to help us choose what to promote from our 'latest' to our 'popular' sections. Click the 'About The Daily Satire' Link above for more in depth information
animals apocalection apple business cameron celebrity satire economy election entertainment facebook football funny gop gop candidates health herman cain humor internet law memes mitt romney music news newt gingrich obama olympics parody pictures police politics religion rick perry rick santorum romney satire science sex social media spoof sports technology television the onion tv uk us election video videos world 2012