http://thedailysatire.com Funny Spoof News, Social Satire, And Political Cartoons Tue, 05 Jun 2012 13:35:25 CDT en http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/funny-videos/ Tue, 05 Jun 2012 13:35:25 CDT Maryanna4853 UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/funny-videos/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/pasty-and-caravan-tax-u-turn-%E2%80%98great-news-for-fat-gypsies%E2%80%99/
Fans of eating deformed pies and crapping in small cupboards have fought a long battle against the proposed taxes, pointing out that it particularly affects those that ‘don’t simply steal them’.

With a typical Ginsters taking up to 4 hours to reheat on a camping stove, some travellers have had to cut back on their charity work, just to make time to feed their families.

“It’s hard, juggling my volunteer work at the women’s shelter and doing my share around the caravan”, explained seasoned traveller Mick O’Hanlon.

“But at the same time, we all have to contribute our bit to society.”

Government U-Turn

Many travellers agree that a 5% tax on static caravans is ‘a fair price to pay’, and a sensible compromise from the proposed 20%.

As O’Hanlon explained, “A sudden 20% increase in costs risked destabilising an already fragile industry, whereas the gradual introduction of a transparent fiscal levy allows us to slowly adjust our spending habits.”

“I’m going to add a note thanking the chancellor, when I fill in this year’s tax return.”

Mr O’Hanlon is relieved that the so-called ‘pasty tax’ has been dropped, but acknowledges that pasties aren’t the healthiest food for a growing family.

That’s why he’s vowed to take his children with him to his pilates class in future – “I wouldn’t want to burden the NHS with avoidable health problems”, he quipped.

Mr O’Hanlon thinks the u-turn will renew people’s faith in politicians, and reassure them that they always have their best interests at heart. But he also has a word of warning for his fellow tax payers, claiming “with great power comes great responsibility.”

“We must use our ability to alter government policy wisely”, he insisted.

“You need to consider what it costs someone else, when implementing excise adjustments. If there’s one thing every gypsy knows, you definitely can’t just do what you like.”



]]> Wed, 30 May 2012 04:29:54 CDT Imp UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/pasty-and-caravan-tax-u-turn-%E2%80%98great-news-for-fat-gypsies%E2%80%99/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/david-cameron-cheering-meme/
Now the British PM can be found celebrating in all sorts of strange and inappropriate situations after a twitter photoshop game went viral.

I've included three of my favourites here, including the original image which started it all, made by the photgrapher who actually took the picture - Sunny Hundal, in which Cameron is put in mission control for the special forces operation to kill Osama Bin Laden. ]]> Thu, 24 May 2012 05:16:27 CDT TheDailyShadow UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/david-cameron-cheering-meme/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/where-to-send-our-political-leaders-on-holiday-1/
It will be no surprise when photographs of a ruddy-cheeked PM hit the front pages of the tabloids as our commander in chief poses in an open-necked shirt at an undisclosed location on the Cornish coastline.

Nor will it come as any particular shock as we’re allowed a rare glimpse of the Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg, relaxing in a beer garden somewhere in Norfolk or Miliband the younger casually reading the Sunday papers with his shirt sleeves rolled up and a faithful Labrador by his side.

The only actual peculiarity is that these three party leaders haven’t got on the first plane out of Blighty as soon as the Leader of the House of Commons, Sir George Young, hollers: ‘school’s out!’

The trouble is that as we’re all currently suffering with cuts, redundancies and rising bills, a politician daring to dream of going abroad this summer would be castigated as quickly as Slash from Guns & Roses lighting the Olympic flame with a flick of his cigarette.

To give the head honchoes a break I’ve decided to put together a few suitable holiday suggestions that I feel would benefit not only them but the British public too. So, without further ado, please find my very own guide to where I’d like to send our politicians this summer.

David Cameron, Conservative:
Ever since the coalition arrangement was announced Big Dave has been attempting to test public opinion by throwing ideas ‘out there’ and watching them come back crumpled up and spat upon. If he really wanted to lead you’d have thought he’d have told us what was going to happen and then gone right ahead and done it. I personally think his first idea of the Big Society was a bit of a cry for help and it’s with this in mind that I’ll be sending him to China for at least a month to show him how to do it properly.

Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrat:
The TV debates that made Cleggy a household name were held in 2010 and he’s been pandering to the camera ever since. Kicking Gordon into touch and showing Cameron what can be done by remembering someone’s name and looking lovingly into our eyes has made Clegg the man he is today. Where better for the deputy PM to fine tune his trade in time for the next round than the good old US of A? Yes, I think adventure holidays on the west coast are calling Cleggy and when he’s done with visiting the Grand Canyon and trekking across Nevada then he can go straight to LA and Hollywood which is where he obviously secretly thinks he belongs.

Ed Miliband, Labour:
Now, did the better brother win? In a fight to the death I’d probably have my money on Ed with an underhanded stab in the back technique although, now his big bro David has had so much time away from the political arena I very much doubt he’d be up for a scrap. No, if Ed’s looking for an opponent that’s worthy of his savage approach to brotherly love I feel safari holidays in the Serengeti undoubtedly present myriad opportunities to watch how the big boys get to fight it out in the wild. However, better yet, knowing Edward and his propensity of wanting to go it alone perhaps a singles holiday may be more suitable.

Wherever our politicians go this summer, let’s hope they come back refreshed and ready to enjoy the legacy left by the 2012 Olympics. After all with Boris in charge, what’s the worst that could happen?

Chris is looking forward to this summer’s Olympics almost as much as going on his next adventure holidays in Syria.
]]> Fri, 18 May 2012 11:29:22 CDT almostnews UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/where-to-send-our-political-leaders-on-holiday-1/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/top-10-funny-pictures-of-queen-elizabth-ii-1/ Thu, 17 May 2012 08:58:44 CDT FunnyLists UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/top-10-funny-pictures-of-queen-elizabth-ii-1/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/mi6-not-entirely-open-about-its-secret-murders/ Is The British Secret Service Secretly Doing Secret Things? In Secret?

In what is being lauded by many as the understatement of the century, the coroner investigating the death of MI6 spy Gareth Williams - who was found dead locked inside a suitcase, in a bath, in a locked flat - has accused the police of not being 'completely impartial'.

This has lead some commentators to ask whether the Secret Service can be trusted to be completely honest about whether or not it is secretly murdering people. Investigations into whether this could in fact be the case are said to be centred around the word 'secret' in the phrase 'secret service'.

Revelations that key evidence, from a set of 9 memory sticks to a sports bag (both belonging to the dead man), were completely ignored by the investigating police have lent weight to the popular theory that the police are, in fact, basically a bunch of idiots. But could something more sinister be going on?

It is certainly an interesting case. A man found dead in a locked suitcase which he could not have locked himself, in a locked room that noone else could have locked, adds in interesting twist to the classic 'locked door mystery' beloved of crime fiction fans. This has led one investigator, a certain Mr Dirk Gentley, to suggest that Mr Williams was did not die by his own hand or by anyone else's, but in fact still exists in a state of quantum 'superposition' inside a Mrs Marple novel.

Read the real news story here: Coroner criticises MI6 investigation into spy Gareth Williams' death
]]> Tue, 01 May 2012 14:19:23 CDT admin UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/mi6-not-entirely-open-about-its-secret-murders/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/new-government-seal/
A government spokesman told The Daily Satire that the condom is the perfect representation for this government, because "a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed." ]]> Wed, 11 Apr 2012 06:44:37 CDT TheDailyShadow UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/new-government-seal/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/sky-news-hired-teams-of-hitmen-in-murder-spree-scandal-/
An insider source who wished to remain anonymous told The Daily Satire:

"It all started with hacking the emails of that conoe man's wife. Yes it was illegal, but when we told the police that we had broken the law they agreed with us that it was 'in the public interest' and 'editorially justifiable'. Not long after that a news story broke about some Latino television news anchorman niring hitmen to kill people so that he could be first to the scene and cover the story. That gave us an idea. If we were able to break the law anytime we liked as long as it was 'in the public interest' and 'editorially justifable' then we would certainly be able to kill a few paedophiles. That is definitely in the public interest, and people love to hear good news stories about paedo's getting horrifically tortured and mutilated.

"Of course once the precident was set, things soon started to get out of hand. Having said that, I am reliably informed that executives at Sky News will stand by their decision to try to murder George Galloway, Justin Beiber, and any old woman with a wart on their nose, claiming that these killings would themselves have been in the public interest and completely editorially justifiable."

In related news a financier in the City of London currently being prosecuted for fraud is rumoured to be basing his defense on the 'editorially justified' precedent set by Sky News editors, by claiming that his crime was 'financially justifiable'.

]]> Thu, 05 Apr 2012 13:12:53 CDT TheDailyShadow UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/sky-news-hired-teams-of-hitmen-in-murder-spree-scandal-/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/andreus-lansleylococcus-%E2%80%93-the-deadly-threat-lurking-in-our-hospitals-prides-purge-1/ Wed, 07 Mar 2012 18:57:47 CST TomPride UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/andreus-lansleylococcus-%E2%80%93-the-deadly-threat-lurking-in-our-hospitals-prides-purge-1/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/george-osborne%E2%80%99s-growth-plans-to-focus-on-creating-more-clips-of-fenton-the-dog/
After learning that the owner of the YouTube clip featuring Fenton the dog is now making a significant amount of money from adverts on the site, Osborne claimed it was an even easier way printing money than quantitative easing.

A Whitehall insider told us, “He laughed at the distraught dog owner, much like everyone else, but his interest was piqued when someone pointed out that YouTube were now paying the owner of the clip for the millions of views it generated.”

“Especially when someone said that making something like this official government economic policy could also technically be classified as him supporting ‘the arts’.”

Fenton paid

A formal policy statement is expected within days, and coalition think-tanks are currently formulating strategies to maximise returns from frustrated citizens caught on camera.

A source close to the Chancellor told us, “The plans are developing nicely, and we’re confident this could be a real vote-winner.”

“If we could just get the unemployed to film things with their phones, and then ask all the people with jobs to watch them on YouTube, we could probably do away with benefits altogether.”



]]> Fri, 02 Dec 2011 05:28:15 CST Imp UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/george-osborne%E2%80%99s-growth-plans-to-focus-on-creating-more-clips-of-fenton-the-dog/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/the-austerity-crusaders-of-department-g2b/
Dear George, as in Chancellor of the Exchequer Mr. Osborne,
I’m writing to you from a five-person office somewhere in the great sprawling mass of public service. I’m not going to identify who or where we are at this stage. This may seem ultra-cautious, knowing how familiar we all are with governmental open-mindedness and democratic laissez-faire regarding employees speaking their minds, but we don’t want to feel as if we’re pushing ourselves forward or pleading for special favours.

Calling us civil servants here is probably stretching a point, but anything remotely connected with public administration more or less counts now, doesn’t it, so let’s be content with that. We just wanted to say, and I speak here for the entire office, how touched and inspired we all are by your austerity programme, so directly aimed at hauling this great country of ours out of the mire. For years now, my colleagues and I have been wondering how we can repay the state for allowing us to work the pitifully small hours we do for the enormous wages undeservedly flung in our direction. The other day, when I was sitting with my feet up on the desk flinging grapes in the air and seeing if I could catch them in my mouth, wondering what the hell I was going to do all day, the idea came to me. We will join in, I thought, with Mr. Osborne’s austerity crusade; in a dedicated, patriotic spirit. We will each sacrifice something from our lavish, ludicrously self-indulgent life styles fuelled by enormous Government largesse. And, I’m happy to say, my colleagues were instantly on message.

Daphne, for starters, is going to kick the crack. Many a morning we have all recoiled a little at Daphne lining the stuff up on her desk and then shooting her nose along like it’s the latest hand-held Dyson. It always seems to mean that, for the rest of the morning, if anything should happen along that she has to sign (ha, ha, as if) she will do it with a ridiculous flourish of letters eight inches tall and then, for some reason, draw an orange alongside, which doesn’t leave the document looking terribly official and business-like, to be frank. Then, by lunchtime, just as we think she’s nicely settled and munching happily on her Philly-covered Ryvitas, she’s suddenly gone to the staff loos for another sniff and then it’s half the afternoon up on the desk in her knickers giving it ‘Hey, Big Spender’ again.
She knows cold turkey will be involved and has brought in a case of XO brandy, generously provided by HMG, of course, to help her forget, and a considerable economy on the street rate she’s paying these days from ‘Saw You Coming Ltd., downtown Colombia’.
George, your namesake, has vowed to cut down to one rent boy a week. We begged and we pleaded, tears in our eyes, knowing full well that George keeps the admirable Hampstead Heath free market going virtually single-handedly, but he was firm. ‘I like a tight little sphincter as well as the next man’, he said, ‘but one a day is just getting too much, and I’m beginning to find myself too shagged out to enjoy the Steak Poivre and pommes allummettes, washed down with a good Chateauneuf du Pape (what else?) which is the regular fare of our Michelin-starred staff refectory’. We argued that there were at least a couple of lads in the huge car bay looking after the various Jaguars and Ferraris used for our business who would stand in on a quiet day for probably less than street rates, maybe no more than a can of Bud and a Yorkie, but he insisted enough was enough and said he would struggle so with the overalls, that and smelling of oil for the rest of the day.

Rowenna feels that the plastic surgery has now gone as far as it can go. We eventually deduced that this is what she said; she can only get her lips half an inch apart because of the Botox, and it’s all a bit of a mumble. We know from earlier days that she hasn’t been happy with developments for a while. The boob job didn’t go anything like as well as she’d hoped, partly because it seems she finished up with an extra one, which is aesthetically unfortunate to say the least. ‘I was thinking rather more Joan Collins and rather less Daisy the Fresian’, she said, quite loud and clear at the time. She’s been contenting herself with occasional pampering beauty weekends and she says she’ll keep on with that every now and then, though she has to avoid the mudpacks these days, in case the mud sets with the Botox ‘and cracks my bloody head off like a twig’.

Martin has come to a realistic understanding that gun-running is not the best of hobbies for a Government employee rapidly approaching retirement and has decided to go for something a little less capital intensive, perhaps international vanilla porn. ‘It’s finding sheds and hangars for the rocket launchers and mortar cannons that’s become such a bore’, he said. Probably it was the luxury of owning such a gigantic house, bought on the strength of his huge wages with all the vast increments added for age, which first set him off, the wide open spaces of his triple garage and barn conversion outhouses simply crying out for sophisticated weaponry to be stored there before being shipped on to whichever bunch of governmental lunatics are currently trying to slaughter their own people or someone else’s. He’s itching for one last fling, though, George, so if you’re still in the business of another helicopter or two, an occasional armoured personnel carrier or five, to help our brave boys without your lot having to deal with the bad publicity, well Martin’s your man, though you may have to be patient, as his main travelling salesman recently had his head sliced off in the DR of the Congo, having inadvertently delivered them one grenade box short of an order.

And my dear Helen and I have decided that Matt and Tom are just going to have to go to somewhere not quite as pricey as Eton. It’s a sacrifice, of course, but it isn’t just the money, when it comes to it. As I said to H over pheasant or something during our weekly tryst at the Ritz (‘weekly is quite sufficient, Malcolm’, she says, ‘daily looks ostentatious’), I’m really wanting my children to turn out to be – well, relatively normal, I suppose, people with whom natural conversations are possible. After all, if you suddenly find your bright-eyed and bushy-tailed offspring have turned into the kind of tossers who are floating around on luxury yachts enjoying champagne and Mandelson badinage one minute and telling all of us suckers to tighten our bloody belts the next, you do wonder what all those fees were for. I’d like them to be able to hold their respective owns in normal society, not come home to dick around in frock coats saying ‘Yah’ every other bloody word. H and I are going to bung them all off to Swiss finishing schools so that they learn to speak five different languages and will be able to provide us with continental retirement venues rather than wait around here until your lot have reduced the state pension to two bread rolls and a sausage a day, that’s if you’ve got the coupons and you can guarantee not to have more than £27.50 in life savings.

So we’re all austerity heroes in this office, George, and we’ll all be waiting to see you tubeing it into work next week with the rest of the teeming millions stashed into obsolete carriages with crap on the floor, then taking a half hour lunch to eat the cheddar slices sandwiches and, if you’re lucky, an apple, which the missus has packed up for you or, being the New Man you are, you’ve packed up for yourself. We’re all in it together, eh George, and with any luck, come the next election, you and your pals will be so far in it that entire armies of recently unemployed shit shovellers won’t get you out of it for at least a generation or two.






]]> Wed, 10 Aug 2011 10:25:28 CDT leonard UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/the-austerity-crusaders-of-department-g2b/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/the-futile-middle-class-rage-party/
YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR THE IRATE MIDDLE CLASS RAGE PARTY.

Our policies include:

1.We will reintroduce National Service, but not for the Armed Forces. Instead everyone will have to work in a shitty retail job for a year between the ages of 18 - 21.

2. This will mean that everyone, rich and poor, will gain at least a shred of empathy for other human beings. If we've all worked in McDonalds then people won't be so snooty about the folk who work there full-time.

3. The Royal Family can do whatever the hell they like providing we never have to pay for any of it.

4. Upon entering their final year students will be given a T-shirt featuring Paul McGann and Richard E. Grant bearing the slogan 'We've gone to university by mistake'.

5. We will create a vast swathe of jobs that pay precisely £20,000 per year so that people can live comfortably without having to ever pay back their tuition fees.

6. We will attempt to redefine the class system and structures in society, meaning the end of 'rich and poor', 'working class and upper class' etc. Henceforth the two main groups in society will be known as 'People I'd Re-tweet' and 'Twats'.

7. All pictures of models should come with health warnings.

7. Anyone who talks about television in terms of comparing everything unfavourably to The Wire will have access to all TV shows barred, with the exception of the content of ITV 2.

8. Newspaper columnists will have to feature in a separate pull out supplement of the paper, each page ending with the letters "IMO", and bearing the disclaimer "This isn't news."

9. Every time a newspaper is found to contain a factual error it will be fined 1% of the money made by daily sales.

10. We will give the Anarchists of Britain the village of Ecclefechan and impose a five year time limit for them to turn it into more of a utopia.

11. The bonuses of management will be decided upon by the workforce, with the average amount taken as the bonus. Staff may offer a negative number as the suggested bonus. A similar system will be put into place for redundancy payments.

12. The X-Factor should abandon all pretense of having depth.

13. Staff will be allowed to use cynical retorts, quips, insults etc. to customers providing they log it with an explanation of why it was deemed necessary.

14. There should be religious tolerance. By this we mean that we should tolerate religion as long as no-one talks about it to our children and those who do practice it do it behind closed doors. No public displays of religion, please.

15. Before any large public protest every member of the law enforcement community involved must have a big wank. This should will limit the amount of anger in their system before they go and hit people with sticks, as no-one wants to have an angry wank.

16. Every time a sporting team spends more than £1 million on an individual one angry woman per million pounds spent should be sent round to slap everyone involved.

17. Anyone who uses signs that say things '70% OFF' in huge letters and 'Up to' in tiny ones to be made to wear a special T-shirt that says 'TWAT' in huge letters and 'Mainly I'm quite nice but I've just been a' in tiny ones.

18. The Conservative and Unionist Party of Great Britain to change its name to 'The Sex Offenders Register B'. The 'B' is to differentiate it from the actual Sex Offenders Register.

19. In order to maintain an element of punishment in our Prison Services, each week will see a different pop album be played on constant rotation so that it ceases to be catchy and entertaining and instead becomes a teeth-grinding bubblegum nightmare.

And finally...

20. We will demand a road safety campaign video fronted by Mark E. Smith with the slogan 'Two Chevrons'.

VOTE IDEALISM. VOTE RAGE. ]]> Mon, 23 May 2011 10:40:12 CDT beano1884 UK Political Satire 5 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/the-futile-middle-class-rage-party/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/uk-political-surveys-may-decide-future-elections/
Had AV been accepted as the new system for voting in general elections voters would have been able to rank candidated in order of preference, with second, third and fourth preferences being taken into account if no candidate managed to poll over 50% of the vote. This would have been great for the Liberal Democrats, as it would have helped them to overcome their perennial 'wasted vote' problem, which sees potential supporters of all the smaller parties forgoe voting for their prefered candidate in favour of one of the big parties who actually stand a chance of winning.

Following the defeat of the Yes to AV campaign Lib Dem strategists are now looking for new ways to rig general elections in their favour, sorry no, I mean 'make the voting system fairer'. And insiders have told me that they have recently hit upon something which they think could be the perfect solution - to scrap elections altogether and use opinion polls instead.

In an off-the-record conversation one Lib Dem strategist told me 'people always say that they are going to vote for us in opinions polls, but then actually vote for someone else at the ballot box. We think that this is unfair, and we are all about making the voting system fairer, so we are going to start a new campaign to make opinion polls binding.

We live in the 21st century, when technology makes communications instant and everything happens super-fast, but yet we only change our government once every 4 or 5 years. With this new system we could change the government every week if we wanted to. We think that makes it a much more modern and progressive system. Or at least that's how we are going to try to sell it anyway.

When I asked her whether she thought there was any chance of being successful in getting this through parliament she gave me a funny look and asked 'did anyone really believe we could get AV? Well then.'..

BTW, you can follow the link I included above to have your say in the political (and other) surveys on the YouGov website, which you get paid for participating in as well as perhaps, maybe, not really, in the future, helping to decide elections. ]]> Tue, 17 May 2011 08:13:03 CDT TheDailyShadow UK Political Satire 6 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/uk-political-surveys-may-decide-future-elections/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/if-jesus-were-british--hed-have-a-criminal-record-1/
As British society becomes even more secular in its outlook, it has also become fashionable to regard those with a strong Christian ethos with suspicion, and in some cases, outright hostility.

Nowadays the press is full of reports that are seen as further attacks upon those who still think that lighting candles and kissing crucifixes will qualify them for a free pass into the Kingdom of Disneyland Heaven.

Recently, numerous column inches were devoted to the case of the Christian B&B owners, who by trying to prevent “Mr and Mr Smith” from sharing a double bedroom, fell foul of Harriet Harperson’s equality laws. Together with last year’s visit from a former Hitler Youth member who nowadays goes by the title Holy Fuhrer, I mean Holy Father, and whose previous incarnation was enforcing his Polish predecessors rigid doctrines – am I the only one who sees the irony of a German taking orders from a Pole? - have all been cited as examples of a real or perceived bias against the Christian faith. Of course, we must not forget the recent decision of the Anglican Church to begin the process that will eventually replace Archbishop Rowan with Archbishop Rowena!

If we were to imagine that Jesus himself were to return to the Britain of today, with the law as it currently stands, any one of the following would likely earn him an appearance before the beak.

Firstly, healing the sick and raising the dead would see Jesus charged with practising medicine without a licence, with the resulting implications for Lazarus and the blind beggar. Feeding the 5,000 would probably incur a fine for operating an unlicensed fast food outlet, as well as a complaint from Pret A Manger and Subway, for muscling in on their territory. Turning water into wine would likewise constitute a breach of the Trade Descriptions Act.

Even the Sermon on the Mount might be interpreted in some quarters as a form of sedition; for daring to suggest it will be the meek who shall inherit the earth, not the bankers and their multi-million pound bonuses. The Ascension into Heaven itself, might also come to be regarded as the work of an unscrupulous illusionist.

Were Jesus to repeat his act of walking on water, most likely he would be prosecuted for not only holding an unlicensed outdoor event, but for numerous other breaches of the health & safety laws too.

Riding a donkey on the public highway would definitely incur the wrath of officialdom: from the RSPCA for animal cruelty, to the traffic police for not wearing a safety helmet.

And lastly, my own particular favourite. Driving the moneylenders from the Temple would nowadays be regarded as behaviour likely to cause bullying and harassment, and furthermore, incur the undisguised wrath of Mayor Boris.

Perhaps under these circumstances, it might be best if Jesus weren’t British. For he would surely risk arrest, fines and possible imprisonment, living in a country where both anti-religious bias and phone hacking seems to have become the norm.

If the Pharisees of two thousand years ago didn’t appreciate his efforts the first time round, it is highly unlikely that the PC brigade of today would do so either.


]]> Mon, 21 Mar 2011 02:28:42 CDT humourmonger UK Political Satire 3 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/if-jesus-were-british--hed-have-a-criminal-record-1/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/its-racist-to-not-be-racist/
Many critics have previously complained that the cap on benefits would make it impossible for many poorer people to live in central London, and that it would lead to a 'mass exodus' of some kind, but Karen Buck is the first person to identify this as a racial issue and to accuse the government of implementing a racist policy.

Amid calls for her resignation, with Baroness Warsi going on record to say that "For Karen Buck to use race, religion and class for political point-scoring is deeply offensive and irresponsible,", Labour party officals have rallied to support their shadow minister.

One Labour party insider told us "everyone knows that all these blacks and Pakistani's live in horrible conditions and can't look after themselves. This policy - which explicitly doesn't mention race or ethnicity at all - is deeply racist because it doesn't give the inferior, um no, I mean minority ethnicities any special treatment at all. And God knows they need it." ]]> Thu, 17 Mar 2011 06:52:41 CDT TheDailyShadow UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/its-racist-to-not-be-racist/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/celebrity-messiah/ Tue, 18 Jan 2011 08:34:21 CST onlyme UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/celebrity-messiah/ http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/muslim-mps-campaign-to-promote-racial-stereotypes-1/
"I do not know what you are talking about, 100 people living in a 2 bedroom flat? This is normal for us people, everyone knows that this is how we live, ha ha ha ha. We are silly foreigner, yes? Ha ha ha ha. You think funny, yes?" ]]> Tue, 04 May 2010 12:01:52 CDT onlyme UK Political Satire 2 http://thedailysatire.com/UK-political/muslim-mps-campaign-to-promote-racial-stereotypes-1/