Best Satire Stories For: nhs/

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Jury Sentences Carlos The Jackal To Spend Life In NHS Nursing Home

Posted by admin (#1) 156 days ago (http://www.mostlylegit.com)

FRANCE – A local court has convicted the international terrorist known as Carlos the Jackal and sentenced him to life in an NHS operated nursing home without parole.The Venezuelan-born criminal, whose real name is Ilich Ramirez Sanchez had expected to receive a softer sentencing option of life imprisonment.To the surprise of many in the courtroom, a jury went for the maximum punishment, con.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Nick Knowles fails to calm A&E department with massive cut-out of himself

Posted by Imp (#5) 188 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Nick Knowles has abandoned plans to make A&E departments a calmer place to stay, after critics claimed his presence was just making things worse.

“With over 57,000 attacks on our staff last year, we’re keen to give our A&E departments a make-over, to help people stay calm”, explained Derek Hunter, an NHS customer relations manager.
“I’d hoped Nick Knowles would be able to sort us out in a wee.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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False hope should be available on the NHS, insists Archbishop of York

Posted by Imp (#5) 201 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

The Archbishop of York has insisted during a debate in the House of Lords that the NHS bill for England must feature health care that is centred around his belief that you can cure someone by having a jolly good pray and lighting a candle.

Dr John Sentamu told peers, “I am one of those people who completely ignores all available facts when it comes to reaching a decision on a number of issues... VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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NHS faces unannounced spot-checks by undertakers

Posted by Imp (#5) 210 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley is getting tough on standards of care in the NHS, by introducing a system of random spot-checks from undertakers, to see if anyone is still alive.

“Nursing care in the NHS isn’t up to scratch, particularly for the elderly”, declared Lansley.
“We’ve all heard reports of squalid conditions, inadequate food, and temperamental bedside TV and phone systems that cost.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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How To Play The New UK Health Lottery

Posted by TheDailyShadow (#2) 219 days ago (http://www.lottery.co.uk)

The national lottery in the UK have brought out a new game: The Health Lottery. I haven't looked at any of their information, but I'm pretty sure I know how to play:

1) Get injured or become ill.

2) Go to an NHS doctor or hospital.

3) Survivors will be chosen based on postcode.

ADDITIONAL BONUS GAME - Entrants who enter an NHS hospital get automatic entry into the 'hospital superbug' .. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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UK Political Satire | lottery nhs health uk postcode lottery All

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Domino’s Pizza To Replace NHS Direct Helpline

Posted by admin (#1) 405 days ago (http://www.mostlylegit.com)

ENGLAND – The UK government has said it will hand over responsibility of servicing all non-emergency health calls to Domino’s Pizza.The announcement comes on the back pressure to find £20 billion in savings and the change to front line service would see a saving of £1 billion, plus a free medium pizza for health related calls made on weekdays between noon and 2pm.After a survey reveal.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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