Best Satire Stories For: politicsuk/

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Met Office issues severe George Osborne excuses warning

Posted by Imp (#5) 168 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Meteorologists have warned that the wintry weather expected to hit the UK in the coming months could lead to the blame for the lack of economic growth shifting back to severe weather conditions.

The wintry excuse hit the north of Scotland overnight, with strong windy blame moving south into northern England over the course of the morning.

A heavy outbreak of finger pointing is expected to c.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Damaging the economy and inconveniencing millions of people is your job, public sector tells Osborne

Posted by Imp (#5) 175 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Public sector workers have hit back at Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne after he insisted that today’s strikes will damage the economy and inconvenience millions by reminding him that’s what he’s been doing for the last 18 months.

Cabinet Minister Francis Maude was also highly critical of the strikes and what they would achieve.

“Striking while negotiations are still going on will.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Civil servants manning borders ‘may not be obnoxious enough’

Posted by Imp (#5) 181 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

As ministers draw up plans to replace striking border control staff with civil servants, critics claim the stand-ins will lack the basic ability to be hand-gnawingly rude.

“Passengers entering the UK expect a certain level of haughtiness from our members, and we deliver it in spades”, explained union secretary Brian Hough.

“You can’t teach someone that kind of off-hand disdain for their fel.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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50p tax rate probably contributed to the riots, claims Osborne

Posted by Imp (#5) 283 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

The government has announced that the 50p tax rate for higher earners in under review after someone said it almost certainly contributed to the recent riots and civil disorder.

The chancellor has asked the Inland Revenue to investigate if there is any way he can justifiably stop asking rich people for more money in a way that somehow links it to preventing future riots.
Osborne’s statement fo.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Actual UK population is probably 400 million, screams Daily Mail

Posted by Imp (#5) 357 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Following the release of figures of asylum seekers in the UK, the Daily Mail have warned that the population in the country will soon be overtaking that of Asian giants India and China.They have claimed that approximately 300% of those looking for amnesty on British shores are allowed to remain here, taking our jobs and eating our caviar.Seizing upon a critical report which says whatever it is th.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Andy Coulson in awe of Alastair Campbell’s bollocks

Posted by Imp (#5) 377 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Andy Coulson has confessed his admiration for the sheer bollocks Alastair Campbell is capable of talking, and of the balls he has to do so.After a witness disputed Campbell’s Iraq crap at the Chilcott cover-up, former News of the World bullshitter-in-chief Andy Coulson spoke of his amazement at the amount of arse gravy his predecessor is able to summon from deep within his bowels.“I k.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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