Best Satire Stories For: sportsukfootball

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Monkey ‘will walk off’ if zoo visitors make footballer noises at him

Posted by Imp (#4) 382 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

A monkey who is one of the main attractions at London zoo has claimed that he will walk off if anybody makes footballer noises at him this summer.With the Olympic games in London this year, the zoo are expecting a lot of visitors from other countries, where cultures might not be as tolerant of different species.And Bozo, an 8 year-old spider monkey, is concerned that this could lead to abuse bein.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Sol Campbell warns England fans at Euro 2012 they risk seeing team ‘play’

Posted by Imp (#4) 384 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Former Tottenham and Arsenal defender Sol Campbell has advised England football fans to ‘stay away’ from Euro 2012, for fear of witnessing humiliating displays of ineptitude on the pitch.

Campbell told BBC’s Panorama that having watched footage of the England team in training and in their warm-up game against Norway on Saturday he ‘feared for the sanity’ of any supporters who risked attending .. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Rooney still trying to count how many games he’ll miss

Posted by Imp (#4) 612 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

>England striker Wayne Rooney spent last night hopelessly trying to count the number of games he will miss at the Euro 2012 championships next summer.

Rooney, banned for an amount of games that is more than two but less than four, became frustrated shortly before midnight after failing the grasp the significance of his ban.
A family insider told us, “We told him how many it was, but he kept l.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Ah, now it makes sense, claim Mansfield Town fans

Posted by Imp (#4) 628 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

Mansfield Town fans have admitted their relief at the news hot new Chief Exec Carolyn Still was given the job because she’s sleeping with the club’s owner, rather than because he is completely insane.

Just a few weeks after taking up her role, news has broken that she is to marry club owner John Radford in move described by fans as “completely understandable”.
Season ticket holder Steve Trill.. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Gary Neville insists retirement won’t affect his ability to be a prick

Posted by Imp (#4) 865 days ago (http://newsthump.com)

After Manchester United’s Gary Neville announced his retirement from football, a spokesperson for the player has moved quickly to dispel rumours that he will also stop being an annoying prick.In a career that earned him every major club honour available, 35 year-old Neville also provided the most unlikeable face in the Premier League for almost twenty years.Football writer Ed Williams told .. VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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Mayan calender prediction that world will end in 2012 welcomed by Newcastle fans

Posted by Imp (#4) 920 days ago (http://feedproxy.google.com)

A prediction in the Mayan calendar that the world will end in 2012 has been embraced by Newcastle United supporters as they struggle to come to terms with the five and a half year contract that has been offered to new manager Alan Pardew... VIEW STORY PAGE | OPEN LINK

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