Chris Lamb is a professor of communication at the College of Charleston. His latest book is The Sound and Fury of Sarah Palin (FrontLine Press).
"The Elephant in the Room, Episode 2":
Summary on television situation comedy on GOP presidential candidates: The "Elephant in the Room" centers on the Elephant brothers, the loutish and messy Newt and his younger brother, the duplicitous and smarmy Mitt, who together run the family's prosperous asbestos factory. Newt and Mitt share a house with their grumpy father, Ron Paul, who is such a stickler for old-fashioned ways he only uses Confederate money. Another character, the sanctimonious Rick, lives next door. The other regular character, the brothers' batty Aunt Sarah, lives above the house in the attic. The program's plot lines focus on the brothers' sibling rivalry, their shameless business practices, and their craven attempts for the affections of their batty Aunt Sarah. Here is the link for Episode One:
Script excerpt, from Episode 2: Mitt, Newt, Rick and Ron Paul wait in the living room with gifts to win the approval of Aunt Sarah on the eve of Super Tuesday.
RON PAUL: "Mitt, what did you get your Aunt Sarah?"
(Mitt shows his gift to the others)
NEWT: "You're giving her a check, Mitt!"
MITT: "It's a blank check."
RON PAUL (smiling approvingly): "You certainly know your Aunt Sarah . . . "
NEWT (angrily): "I gave her a check before the Michigan primary!"
RON PAUL: "Yes, but it was a four-party, post-dated check on Freddy Mac's account.
"What have you got for her this time?"
(Newt proudly shows the gift to the others.)
RON PAUL: "What the hell is that?"
NEWT (smiling): "Uranium."
MITT: "That explains the glow. I thought it was coming from Rick."
RON PAUL: "Very nice, boys, Sarah will be pleased . . . "
(Ron Paul is interrupted by noises coming from the attic.)
RICK: "What the heck is that?"
RON PAUL: "It's Sarah's bats. That means she's on her way down."
(The four men begin primping themselves. A door opens and Sarah begins climbing down a ladder to the living room.)
RON PAUL, MITT, NEWT, RICK: "How are you, Aunt Sarah?"
AUNT SARAH: "Is that another one of those 'gotcha' questions? . . .
'Lamestream media!' . . .
'Blood libel!' . . .
'Death panels!' . . .
'Panties in a wad!' . . .
'WTF!' . . .
'Are you suggesting I don't read?' . . .
'I can see Russia from my house!' . . .
I said, 'Thanks, but no thanks on that 'bridge to nowhere!' . . .
'Obama pals around with terrorists!' . . .
'He's a Muslim!' . . .
'And a radical Christian!' . . .
'And a Socialist' . . .
(Palin then climbs back up the stairs and slams the door behind her. Mitt, Newt, Rick and Ron Paul remain silent for a moment or two.)
RON PAUL: "I don't think your Aunt Sarah needs any more uranium, Newt."
(Mitt, Newt, and Rick nod in agreement.)
RICK (stands up and stares at the attic, glowing): "I want to be just like her."
MITT: "You already are."
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